Ashes of the Dreams You Let Die
by reasonstodream
Summary: Instead of Brooke pretending to be pregnant for Haley, she is actually pregnant with Lucas's child. Since they are broken up though, Brooke doesn't tell Lucas. She leaves Tree Hill but with regret she returns four years later to tell Lucas something.
1. Chapter 1

***This first chapter is based off of episode 4.04 'Can't Stop This Thing We've Started' but with a twist. Hope that you enjoy. Comments are very helpful for my inspiration to continue writing :)**

You could just feel the party vibe throughout all of Tric. Music was streaming through the speakers, teenagers were aimlessly dancing feeling infinite in the moment, and a mixture of flashes from the lights and cameras accompanied the room. It was just the typical Saturday night at Tric. Friends, music, drinks, and fun. Tonight however, the party seemed to be on pause with Brooke.

Sighing as she saw the bartended turn around, she lifted out of her seat and over the counter to grab the bottle of Jack Daniels to mix with her coke she already had in hand. Karen and the bartenders already knew that Brooke managed to get her hands on some type of alcohol even after they refused her a drink because she was underage. Instead of kicking her out and grounding her from the bottle they just pretended that nothing ever happened. As with any teenager who is told not to do something, she went and did it anyway.

Putting the bottle back over the counter, Brooke stirred her mixture aimlessly with the straw that was already in the cup. Staring at the swirling she had just created, Brooke seemed to be in her own world not really paying attention to what was going on around her.

"…I really don't think you should be drinking," Brooke was startled by the familiar voice of Lucas even though she had missed the first few things that he had said.

"What's it to you?" She looked at him with an annoyed look on her face. He obviously didn't care about her before, kissing Peyton in the library and then not telling her about it until Nathan and Haley's wedding, why should he start to care now? Which wasn't completely fair towards Lucas because he had always cared about her, she was his pretty girl.

"People are saying you are pregnant," Lucas said more as a question than a statement, "and if you are pregnant I don't want you to be drinking. You know its not good."

"I never asked you to watch over me Luke, I can take care of myself," Brooke snapped.

Lucas knew that she wasn't going to back down with her tone towards him so he had to be firm towards her instead of the trying to care route he was taking that wasn't getting him anywhere. "If you are pregnant with my baby, you aren't going to be drinking Brooke." He took her cup away from her. "Now I needed to know if you are or not. It's my responsibility if you are carrying my baby; I want to be there for you."

"Yeah well," she stood up from the bar stool, "you should have been there for me a long time ago." Brooke took that as her exiting line and walked away from Lucas and headed for the exit, she needed some fresh air to clear her head.

* * *

Sitting on the stairs outside of Tric, Brooke once again fell into her own little world again. It wasn't the type of world that she went to and saw herself in the future, a few years from now, being successful and everything. It wasn't the type of world where there was a magical forest with fairies and unicorns that she could ride away from reality. Instead it was a lonely world where Brooke saw herself in the dark, on a deserted road. It was where all of her fears, hopes, wishes, and desires came crashing together.

Brooke wasn't able to really process anything with the sound of the door opening and closing followed by the clanking of heels on the metal stairs that came after. Turning her head slightly she saw Haley coming down and gave her a small smile. "Hey tutor wife," her voice was raspy and quiet.

Taking a seat next to Brooke, Haley looked at her ex-roommate with concern in her eyes. "I saw you and Lucas share a couple of words in there, everything okay?"

"No," Brooke wanted to cry out and just lean on Haley's shoulder to cry but she was Brooke Davis, keeping it together when everything was falling apart was something she did best.

"You know how those Scott boys's are. Never letting you go a minute without them being in the back of your head," she chuckled a small chuckle. Haley knew where Brooke was coming from. For half their senior year, Haley was jumping in hoops of fire to get Nathan back.

"Brooke I'm just worried about you," Haley reached for Brooke's hand.

"Oh, Haley," she sighed, "don't worry about me. You have so much going on right now with Nathan, there is no need to worry yourself more for me, I'm fine."

They just sat there in a moment's silence. Haley wanted to say something she just didn't know how to word it exactly without sounding inconsiderate. Brooke definitely needed to get something off of her chest but she was scared.

Almost at the same time they looked at each other. "Brooke," Haley started. "…I'm pregnant," Brooke finished Haley's sentence for her.

Those words acted as a magnet between the two of them as Brooke softly cried into Haley's shoulder and Haley holding Brooke tight not knowing what to say.

After a moment, Haley pulled Brooke back looking at her wet, mascara running down her face, face. "Does Luke know?" Haley gently asked.

"No," Brooke whispered shaking her head. "And you have to swear not to say anything." "Please," she pleaded knowing that Haley would keep this secret between the two until Brooke was ready to face whatever was coming next because of all of this.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a month since Brooke found out that she was pregnant and the only other people who knew were Haley and now Rachel. Looking back to just half a year ago, Brooke never thought she would be from where she was-Lucas's girlfriend, captain of the cheerleading team, and starting a clothing line- to where she found herself now. Which was being cheated on by Lucas again, ex-best friends with Peyton, and being pregnant. What was shocking of all of it though was the fact that she and Rachel were not only boarder line best friends, but roommates. Despite what happened in the past, Rachel managed to come through for Brooke when no one else was there to fall on. Brooke knew that she could trust her. And set aside the constant lectures of being irresponsible and getting herself in this situation, Rachel made a great step in baby's daddy. She went to Brooke's doctor's appointment and made sure that Brooke was taking care of herself and her baby.

Bouncing into the room that she and Brooke shared with ginger ale and some saltine crackers, Rachel seemed perkier than either of them has been in a few days. "How is the knocked up cheerleader feeling this morning?" Not knowing Brooke and Rachel's friendship you would have thought that they were the biggest bitches to one another. But to them, ironically, it was the way they showed each other how they actually cared about one another.

"The hormones are telling me not to put up with any non-needed mouth from red heads today," Brooke sat up from her bed glaring at her.

"That great I can see." Rachel took her sarcasm down a little bit motioning for Brooke to take the ginger ale and crackers.

Taking the drink and crackers from Rachel, Brooke sat against her head board looking at Rachel, wondering why she was in such a perky mood today. "What's with the good mood this morning, someone get an early booty call?" She asked curiously taking a sip of the ginger ale.

Rachel's comeback seemed effortless as if flowed right out of her mouth, "And become the next Brooke Davis, knocked up at 18? No thank you."

Brooke just gave her a look not taking it to heart, she never did anymore. She realized that you couldn't be weak or it would kill you.

"Actually, I signed us up to host a party tonight," Rachel exclaimed excitedly. If there was anything that Rachel enjoyed more than being queen bitch and sex it was definitely throwing a killer party.

Looking horrified Brooke sighed, "What? You know I can't throw a party."

"You are right, you aren't throwing a party, we are throwing the party."

"People are already talking about me being pregnant; just wait until I don't drink at this party. The rumor mill will have a field day with it."

"Did it ever occur to you that you aren't going to be able to hide this," she pointed at Brooke's stomach, "for forever? Eventually you will start showing. Then what will your plan be? Tell everyone that looking like you're expecting but not really expecting is the new spring trend?" Rachel rolled her eyes not even waiting for a response, "Didn't think so."

Brooke just sighed looking down. "No. That is why I'm leaving Tree Hill sometime next week," she tried to say it in a faint whisper.

"What?"

"I can't stay here Rachel."

"Why? Why won't you just tell Lucas?"

"Because I refuse to be Lucas's charity case just because I am having his baby. I grew up in a broken home where my parents didn't love each other. Instead they just stayed together for the money, sex, and doubtably me. And you know Luke's story about Dan and everything. He will feel obligated to stick around and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me but feels like he has to." Brooke felt the tears forming in her eyes but she wasn't about to cry for herself. This was her choice and she had to be strong. That was the only way she was going to make it.

It wasn't like Rachel didn't care about this whole situation, she did, she just couldn't stand aside watching Brooke make all these decisions without her knowing all her options. "Well I think that is the wrong thing to do."

"Who the hell are you to tell me what is the right and wrong thing to do?" Brooke barked in defense.

Rachel stood up from Brooke's bed, "Fine if you don't want my help then I won't bother anymore. Sorry for just trying to be your friend and tell you the truth."

"Rachel," Brooke sighed yet again, "I know and I'm sorry for barking at you. I can't even tell you how grateful I am to have you as a friend right now standing by my side. This is what I want though. It's what I need."

"Where are you going to go Brooke? What about school?"

"I'm going to California. Gonna go live with my par-" Rachel cut her off totally confused. "You're going to go live with your parents?"

"I know it's not the ideal situation, but it is the right choice. I have to grow up. I can't think about just myself anymore."

Rachel walked over to the other side of the bed that Brooke was sitting on. "You know Brooke, you are going to be okay and you're going to get through this," she said giving her best friend a hug.


	3. Chapter 3

Every party that was held at Rachel and Brooke's house was usually always the same: enough booze to put a liquor store to shame, keg stand, red plastic cups everywhere, music blasting in and out of the house, people wondering outside by the pool-with the occasional tipsy party guest that jumped right in, at least two different confrontations, and as always someone avoiding someone. Last party, Nathan was trying to avoid Rachel for Haley's sake. However this time, Brooke was avoiding Lucas and Peyton; the nerve of Rachel for inviting the two of them. The nerve of Lucas and Peyton actually showing up together.

Since Brooke wasn't drinking tonight or any other night for the next eight months, she figured that she would mingle around socializing with people while keeping up with the party mess so that there wasn't any need for a huge clean up party tomorrow morning for her and Rachel. As she walked around she stopped and said 'hi' to a few of the girls from the squad. She knew that as their cheerleading captain it was her duty to inform them that not only was she pregnant but that she would be leaving Tree Hill soon, but she just couldn't bring herself to it.

So far Brooke had only told Rachel that she was planning on leaving but no one else. Not only did she not know how to break it to them, because that would involve her telling them that the rumors are true that she is pregnant. The other reason was that she didn't want someone to tell Lucas before she got the chance to. Even though she and Lucas weren't on the best of terms right now she figured that she could let Lucas know herself. They had been through so much together the past two years and Brooke was trying to be mature with the current situation by letting him know she was leaving instead of just up and leaving making it look even more suspicious that she was in fact pregnant.

"Hey Roomie," Rachel giddily said swinging her arm over Brooke's shoulder. If she wasn't tipsy already, she definitely would be with one more sip.

"Hey Party girl," Brooke replied laughing. Although she was feeling a little down that this would probably be her last party in Tree Hill, let alone high school, Brooke tried to keep the pity party to herself and no ruin everyone else's night.

"So have you told Lucas yet?" Rachel asked looking down into her red plastic cup then taking the last gulp of her drink with her head thrown back.

Brooke responded with an eye roll, "No, not yet, you will know when I do because Peyton will be ripping of hers and Lucas's clothes to celebrate."

"Oh okay," Rachel just shrugged walking off into the crowd of people.

Through out the whole night Brooke had been working herself up and how she was going to tell Lucas she was moving. She figured that if she didn't want anyone else to tell him, she would have to tell him first cause word around Tree Hill spread like wild fire. Especially when gossip central was all under one roof.

Mumbling to herself how the conversation might go, Brooke walked throughout the house trying to find Lucas. Finally spotting him at the table in the dinning room where ten cups were set on each side, Brooke slightly smiled as she saw that Lucas was by Skills as they played beer pong against some other guys. "Good," she thought to herself, "Peyton isn't around." But just then she came to a halt as Peyton walked in, skank and all, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Shit!" Brooke exclaimed inside her head. She didn't know when she was going to be able to tell him. Not with his entourage of blonde always by him. Feeling defeated and not even wanting to give pulling Lucas aside for a quick minute Brooke continued to walk into another room not looking at Lucas or Peyton. Now what was she going to do? Maybe this was a sign that she should just up and leave without a word. But Brooke knew in her heart that wasn't the way to go.

The smell of beer was really starting to get to Brooke. She needed some fresh air. Going outside Brooke saw Nathan at a table by himself which was a rare sight to see. So she figured she would appreciate this rare moment and go talk to him.

"Nathan Scott, not enjoying the party scene?" Brooke sarcastically asked sitting down next to him.

"Brooke Davis, not dancing on a table with her shirt off?" He sarcastically struck back chuckling as Brooke punched him in his arm.

"To be honest I'm glad that I was able to catch one on one time with you," Nathan continued.

Brooke looked at him with an eye brow raised, "Why, does someone want a sex tape senior all over again?"

"Yeah we have done some pretty stupid stuff in our youth huh?" Nathan sighed.

Brooke just nodded with a laugh. "But it makes for great memories in the future. So why did you want one on one time with me tonight?"

He just shrugged. Nathan wasn't the most sensitive guy in Tree Hill but he did have his caring side when it came to those who he loved. "You've just seemed to be distant…not yourself lately. Is everything okay?" He asked looking at her.

Brooke just sat there quiet for a minute. She could either tell Nathan she was pregnant or she could just say that she was going to move. Then there was the third option of lying through her teeth about what was really going on. Not taking either of those options Brooke just looked at Nathan.

"We've changed a lot since starting high school. You were the basketball jock, asshole and I was the cold hearted cheerleader with her legs always spread. And you know," her voice started to get a little quieter, "I use to think that people couldn't change. But here we two are changed…and for the better." Brooke just looked at him waiting for an answer.

Nathan didn't know what to say. He wasn't ever the best person with words, especially when it came to this deep stuff. He knew that Brooke needed a friend, someone who would just listen to her and comfort her. Nathan use to think that his life with rough, Brooke was just a whole other story. Although he never said it, he always found grace in her strength; he always knew that she would pull through whatever situation was given to her.

Seeing that Nathan was just looking at her not knowing what to say, Brooke just chuckled with a think smirk forming across her lips. "I'm sorry," she moved her bangs out of her face with her finger, "this whole deep conversation stuff is bringing down your party mood."

"No, no Brooke you are fine," Nathan responded giving her a soft smile to reassure her.

There was an awkward silence for a few minute or two. Brooke wasn't the one who went to people to complain to. She always felt as if she could handle things on her own then she would grow stronger from it in the end. Everyone had their problems and the last thing Brook wanted for anyone was for them to deal with hers too.

Shrugging and letting out a sigh, tears started to form in her eyes- the emotions of being pregnant, what a joy. "Putting all this bull aside and getting to the point," she hesitated in trying to finish her sentence, "I'm moving to California…soon."

Nathan looked at her shocked not knowing what to do. He could either ask her why and she would give her the excuse 'just because' or Brooke could sit there next to him and pour her thoughts out accompanied by tears. Why females always had to be so complicated, he wondered.

"Why?" Simple question and straight to the point. Now if the answer was the same was a different story.

"It's just something that I have to do. Part of growing up I guess is making the right choices even if they are hard, you know."

"I don't want to ask if you don't want to tell and that is the vibe that I am getting off from you, and I get it, its okay. But just know Brooke, that if you ever need anything or someone just to talk to I'm here for you," Nate finished by putting his hand over Brooke's for comfort.

"Thanks Nate," Brooke just smiled.

Realizing that the night was getting shorter and her chances to talk to Luke one on one was getting thinner too, Brooke decided to just go straight ahead and talk to him but she wasn't going to hold her breath. Walking into the living room where Lucas was sitting on the couch with Peyton next to him and her legs swung over his lap Brooke walked up to them.

"Um do you think I could talk to you for a sec Luke?" She asked.

"Yeah, sure," Lucas responded not getting up from the couch.

"…alone," Brooke had to hint to Peyton to get her legs off of him so that he could get free. Seeing Peyton doing just that, Brooke gave her a smirk.

"Something must be up, you haven't given me the time of day for weeks now," Lucas said breaking the silence as the two of them walked out front where there was actually some quiet.

Brooke just wanted to bark at him that he didn't even deserve the time of day after what he had done to her, again, but she decided to just be calm and get this over with. No need for extra dramatic scenes, this was one too many for her already.

"The thing is," she stopped walking as the two of them reached a tree, "I'm moving to California to live with my parents and I just figured that I should be the one to tell you instead of you finding out from someone else."

"Because I know how it feels when you learn something after the fact or by someone else," Brooke wanted to add but again it wasn't time to be bitter.

Lucas just looked at Brooke confused. "Why?," was all that he could manage to get out. Never in a million years did he think that Brooke would move to California to be with her parents. When she got word that she was moving, she desperately tried everything to stay. So what was making her change her mind all of a sudden?

"It's just something I have to do," Brooke repeated the same response to Lucas as she did Nathan.

"Look Brooke, if it is because of me, or Pey-" Brooke stopped him right there holding her hand up. "Its not about you or Peyton okay, it is just something that I need to do." Sure she sounded a little snappy but seriously, was he going to stand there and try to flatter himself by thinking this decision was based on Peyton and Lucas? Yes, part of the reason why she was doing this was because of him but not for the reasons he thought. Instead they were for reasons that Brooke didn't ever think he would know.

Lucas pulled Brooke into an unwanted hug, "Don't hesitate to send me a letter," he joked. Although past meaningful things in a relationship humor probably wasn't the smartest thing right now, "I'm going to miss you Brooke Davis."

Brooke just embraced the hug and slightly smile, "Yeah I'm going to miss you too Lucas Scott," she spoke remembering last summer when she left for California for vacation.

"Tell me that was a goodbye kiss."

"I wanna be with you Brooke."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I know we're friends, that's just how I feel."

"What about Peyton's stuff?"

"I keep that stuff as a reminder of how badly I screwed up things with you. To remind myself if I ever get a second chance, I'd never let you go again."

Funny how things work out sometimes, I guess.


	4. Author's Note

I am so terribly sorry that it has taken me FOREVER to write the next chapter. School has started for me and I am taking all AP/Honors classes on top of that I am captain of the varsity cheerleading team. I am really hoping that have the next chapter up in at least two weeks. I just don't have the time it seems. Again I am so sorry for not updating as quickly as I would have liked. None the less thank you so much for the inspiring comments and feed back. You guys are amazing!

-Cori


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